Leave Me Alone
by dawneh
Summary: Set immediately after the episode of 11th June... JP had told Craig to leave and they both need to think what this means for their relationship. Finally together their happiness is all too soon put to the test
1. Chapter 1

I told him to get out... and he went.

He went, but even as I slammed the door closed behind him I knew that he would be back. I knew that he'd be back... and I knew that I would let him. Just as surely as I knew the colour of his eyes or the smell of his skin. I knew that in the end I wouldn't be able to refuse. And worse than that... I knew that he knew it!

At that moment I hated him more completely than I'd ever hated anyone else before in my life. I hated him in a way you could only really hate someone that you loved.

I hated him for what he made me do, for what he had made me become. I was a liar and a cheat, betraying my boyfriend and my friend and for what? A few stolen moments of pleasure and the chance to be someone's dirty secret.

The relief was instant as he went. If he had refused to leave, if he had touched me one more time, if he had smiled at me again that way or held me in his arms I would have been lost. I would have given in to his needs and taken him to my bed without question. I would have kissed him and loved him and forgotten about the guilt and the betrayals until tomorrow.

I would have done all those things, but he went and I was spared.

Maybe he didn't realise he was so close to breaking down my resolve or maybe, just for once, he was letting me hold on to the last shreds of my self respect.

As my fists connected with the supple leather of the punch bag I let my anger flow through me, but I felt no release, the rage inside me was all consuming and a simple act of violence was not enough to quench it.

Collapsing back onto my bed, sweat soaking my skin, I noticed my hands worn red raw with the repeated exertion, but I felt no pain. The pain inside ran so deep that I could not feel anything else.

If only there was some way I could remember how not to love him, but I can hardly even recall such a time, loving him seemed to be the only thing I've done for so long.

As I lay on the bed with my eyes closed I could see his face smiling down at me. The soft curve of his full mouth taunting me with promises of how good they would taste. His gorgeous molten eyes glistening with a desire that I knew was just for me.

I knew that wherever I was or whoever I was with it would be him that I wanted. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

"Please Craig," I breathed into the stillness of the room, "Just leave me alone."

The first time he told me to go I didn't believe him. I knew that he wanted me so why would he ask me to leave?

The second time he said it I could see he was serious. The anger that flashed in his eyes, the eyes that were usually so gentle, scared me.

It wasn't until I was walking back home that I realised I wasn't afraid for myself, or for what he might have done to me. I was afraid for him and for what I had done to him.

It was then that I knew this wasn't a game anymore. I couldn't just play with his emotions and not expect any consequences. He'd pretty much told me that when he threatened to kiss me in public. At first I thought he was joking, but the look in his eyes, the pain in his eyes told me another story.

It was all or nothing and it was up to me to choose.

I fished my phone from my pocket as it beeped the arrival of a text message.

"Where are you you're late."

It was from Sarah and I wasn't ready for her yet.

My feet lead me to a small pub far away from any of our usual haunts where I sat quietly in the corner for some time nursing a bottle of lager while a million thoughts cascaded around my head.

Firstly there was Sarah. Beautiful, intelligent, kind… everything I ever wanted and what's more she loved me. Staying with her would be so easy, there would be no backlash, no need to fight or explain my feelings, she's what is expected.

And then there's John Paul. My friend. My best friend. The man I can't seem to stop sleeping with… or stop wanting.

He's the first thing I think of when I opened my eyes in the morning and his is the face I that I see when I close them at night.

Why did life have to get so complicated? Why did he ever have to say he loved me?

Friends was simple, we could be together without question.

Lovers made it complicated. I made it complicated.

The lager had grown warm in my grip and no matter how long I sat here nothing was going to change.

It was time I made a decision and I knew that whatever I decided someone would get hurt, that was unavoidable.

So all I could do was be true to myself and hope that they would understand.


	2. Chapter 2

John Paul didn't bother to raise his head at the sound of his bedroom door opening, somehow he knew who was standing there without having to look up.

"I thought I told you to go."

"You did... I came back..."

"I guess I should have told them not to let you in."

Craig moved further into the room closing the door behind him.

"John Paul," he said with a pleading tone, "At least look at me."

John Paul lifted his eyes to Craig in a motion that made him look as if he were hauling a great weight.

Craig took an involuntary step back at the blank expression in his friend's eyes. It was as if all the life and passion had been drained from him.

"What is it you want this time Craig?" John Paul's tone was as empty as his eyes, "Haven't we both said all we need to."

"I've been thinking... about us... about everything..."

"Good for you," John Paul's voice dripped with sarcasm, "Now if that was all..."

"I know what it is I want... what I have to do..."

John Paul moved from the bed in one fluid motion, his face suddenly inches from Craig's.

"It's always about what YOU want isn't it Craig... what about what I want, when is what I want going to count?" The emptiness in John Paul's eyes was replaced with a flash of anger and Craig backed away from the intensity of the gaze he found himself under.

"I'm sorry... I know I've been... an idiot."

"Yeah," John Paul let out a snort of derision, "That's one way to put it."

"It's just that... Sarah... She's all I'd wanted for so long... and I care about her... so much..."

"I get it," John Paul said turning away, "Sarah's the love of your life and you plan to live happily ever after. Fine. Great... I hope it works out... but just leave me out of it... I can't be in the middle of this any more. Please Craig, just keep away from me."

Craig rested his hand on John Paul's shoulder feeling the flesh beneath his grip shake.

"That's not what I was saying," Craig continued, "I care about Sarah, I do..." Holding his shoulders firmly Craig turned John Paul around to face him, "But not as much as I care for you."

Craig looked into the confused blue pools of John Paul's eyes; his breath was shaking as he pressed the palm of his hand against John Paul's cheek.

"John Paul... I love you." Craig was as surprised as John Paul at his sudden declaration, but as soon as the words left his lips he knew that they were true.

John Paul stood motionless for a second, the warmth from Craig's hand radiating against his skin, the beautiful words ringing in his ears. The words he'd wanted to hear for so long… wanted to believe but…

"I've heard you say the same thing to Sarah a hundred times," he whispered moving back from the touch that was making his senses spin, "Why should I believe this is any different?"

Craig sighed; he couldn't fault John Paul's logic. It was true he had used those words to Sarah as a device to smooth over any arguments they had. He'd said it when he held her in his arms after making love to her. He'd said it at times just to break an uncomfortable silence. Today was the first time he said it and really meant it, but how was he supposed to convince John Paul of that fact?

"It IS different," Craig insisted taking John Paul's hands in his, "But I don't know how I can prove it to you. What do you want me to do? Just name it… anything."

John Paul looked into the profound brown paradise of Craig's eyes, he wanted to believe his words and he almost could, but there was still one factor that was nagging at the back of his mind.

"Sarah?"

"I know," Craig lowered his eyes for a second they both knew that his relationship with Sarah was the one real obstacle between them now.

"I'll tell her," he continued, "Honestly I will."

"When?"

"Soon… today… I'm as tired of the lies as you are… nothing is gonna come between us anymore. I promise."

As he spoke Craig pulled John Paul towards him. Letting go of John Paul's hands Craig slid his palms over the gently muscled curves of his arms until they came to rest of John Paul's shoulders.

"I love you," Craig breathed, his voice more confident this time, his words more certain, "I'm just sorry it took me so long to realise."

Craig's hands slipped behind John Paul's neck as he pulled the man closer towards him, their mouths meeting in a soft kiss filled with love and promises.

"Don't let me down this time Craig," John Paul said as their lips parted for a moment.

"Never again," Craig promised as moved back to taste the passion of John Paul's lips again.

As their kiss deepened John Paul's hands moved down to Craig's belt, fumbling to release it's clasp. Without warning Craig stepped back covering John Paul's hands with his own, preventing them completing their mission.

John Paul's brow furrowed in confusion as Craig held his hands tightly.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Craig assured him with a smile, "It's just…" Craig paused to consider his words. "I need you to know… what we've got… what we are… it's more than just sex."

John Paul's eyes sparkled with happiness. "I know that," he said, "I've always known that."

With a soft laugh Craig pulled John Paul into a strong embrace, nothing ever felt so right as having John Paul in his arms.

After a moment John Paul pulled back, his hands coming to rest on Craig's hips, as he took a moment to drink in the beauty of the face before him.

He'd loved Craig for so long so he had always thought the man something special, but today he looked nothing short of beautiful.

"Craig… I've been looking everywhere for you."

Both men turned their heads sharply towards the door at the sudden sound of Sarah's voice.

John Paul felt his face flush with guilt while Craig just stared open mouthed at his girlfriend.

"What's wrong," she asked as she stepped into the room, "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Sarah paused as she began to take in the scene before her.

Why where they standing so close? Why did John Paul have his hands resting on Craig's hips like that? And why was Craig looking at her like he'd just been caught doing something he shouldn't?

Sarah's eyes rested on the hands against Craig's hips for a second and, noticing her gaze, John Paul quickly removed them, letting his arms fall limply to his sides. He had never felt so uncomfortable in his life.

"What's going on?" Sarah asked not sure she wanted to know the answer.

Craig swallowed heavily, he knew this was the moment of truth and every inch of him screamed to tell her anything, just keep her happy, don't let the secret out.

But he'd made a promise and he wasn't about to let John Paul down again so soon.

"I'm sorry Sarah," he said slowly as he reached for John Paul's hands and held them in his trembling grip, "I was going to tell you."

Sarah's eyes darted between the two men, from her boyfriend to her friend and back again, not wanting to believe the evidence before her.

"No," she whimpered stepping backwards.

"I'm sorry," Craig continued, "We never meant this to happen… we just…"

"I don't want to know," Sarah snapped before turning her anger to John Paul. "I asked you… downstairs only a few days ago… I ASKED YOU if there was someone else and you told me I was imagining things… how could you?"

"I'm sorry," John Paul said echoing Craig.

"This is all your fault," Sarah continued glaring at John Paul, "Aren't there enough gay men out there for you… did you have to go after HIM?"

"Sarah…" Craig let go of John Paul's hands to reach out to the distraught girl.

"Get away from me," she shouted as the tears began to tumble down her cheeks, "You disgust me… both of you."

Sarah turned from the men who had betrayed her and ran as fast as her shaky legs could manage down the stairs.

"Go after her," John Paul said.

"What?" Craig was surprised at the suggestion.

"Go after her, you can't just leave it like that, she deserves better. I'll still be here when you get back. Besides there's someone I need to tell as well."

Craig took a moment to hug John Paul again, drawing strength from the love he felt in the warm embrace, before following Sarah's path out of the McQueen house.

Once Craig had gone John Paul to picked up his phone and scrolled through the phonebook there until it rested on the name he was looking for "Spike". After taking a deep breath John Paul pressed "call".


	3. Chapter 3

John Paul paced his room, phone pressed tightly to his ear listening to the ringing echoing in his head. It rang once, twice, three times before his call was answered by that familiar voice.

"John Paul, hi." As usual Spike's tone was light, happy to hear from his boyfriend.

"Are you busy?" John Paul asked.

"Not especially, why what's up?"

"I need to talk to you…"

"Yeah? Something wrong?"

"Not on the phone… can you come round?"

"Sure, I'll be there soon."

John Paul let out a sigh as he ended the call. There was nothing to do now but sit and wait for Spike to arrive, he couldn't help but wonder how Craig was getting on with Sarah.

---

"Sarah, please wait…" Craig called out as he ran down the street after her, "Just let me explain."

Sarah stopped suddenly and turned to Craig. The look on her face made him stop in his tracks a few feet away. He had never seen such a look of pure revulsion, her eyes red and swollen with tears glared at him with disgust.

"What could you possibly say to explain that?" She spat at him, "You disgust me… both of you."

"Sarah please," Craig reached out his hands towards her as he scrambled for the words to make everything all right, but he couldn't seem to find the.

"We never meant this," he continued lamely, "It just… happened… I'm so sorry." Even to his own ears Craig's words seemed week.

"Just happened?" Sarah snarled back at him, "What?? You just accidentally fell into bed with him did you?"

"That's not what I'm saying… I tried not to… really I did."

A sudden thought occurred to Sarah and she approached Craig her eyes darkening, "Were you sleeping with him while you were sleeping with me?"

Craig didn't answer but as he cast his eyes downwards the guilt etched across his face was all the answer that Sarah needed.

"You're filth, d'you know that… I can't believe I ever let you touch me."

"I'm so so sorry," Craig repeated, he seemed to be doing nothing but say he was sorry lately and it was beginning to wear him down.

"You will be," Sarah threatened, "You'll be very sorry. Now just leave me alone."

With that Sarah turned and strode away quickly. Watching her departing back Craig had no energy to follow her. What could he say to make things better for her? He'd lied to her, betrayed her, even humiliated her; he could hardly expect her forgiveness so easily.

Slipping his hand into his pocked Craig felt for the weight of his phone, he wanted nothing more at that moment than to hear John Paul's reassuring tone telling him that everything would be OK. But he knew that John Paul has his own problem to deal with before Craig could call him.

---

John Paul's hand shook slightly as he opened the front door to Spike's bright smile. His stomach lurched at the sight of the man. He cared about Spike so much and that made what he had to say so much harder.

As Spike leant forward for a kiss John Paul turned his face resulting in Spike only brushing his lips against John Paul's cheek. If Spike thought this was strange he said nothing.

"So what did you want?" Spike asked.

John Paul looked over to where Mercedes was apparently watching TV.

"Not here," he said and turned to lead Spike upstairs.

Spike sat on the edge of John Paul's bed as the younger man paced the room nervously.

"Are you ever going to tell me what this is about?" Spike enquired, although John Paul's actions were helping to give a fair idea of what was coming.

John Paul swallowed and stopped his pacing to face Spike.

"Meeting you changed my life," he began slowly, "You helped me realise who I was, what I was. You help me learn to be comfortable with who I am… what I am… without you I don't know what I would have done."

"But?" Spike could tell where this conversation was leading; there was always a but

John Paul cast his eyes downwards.

"I can't see you anymore." There was a pause before John Paul lifted his gaze to Spike. His dark haired lover sat motionless his face betraying no reaction.

"There's someone else," John Paul confessed with a mixture of guilt and relief.

"I see," Spike considered John Paul's words for a second. "Just tell me something… is it Craig?"

John Paul's eyes widened at the question, the answer was written across his features.

"So he's finally admitted how he feels then?"

"You knew?"

Spike laughed softly, "I think I knew before he did. I've seen how he looks at you… how he looks at me. I figured he either just hated ME… or he had feelings for YOU… and let's face it… why would anyone hate me?"

John Paul smiled in gratitude at Spike's calm understanding.

"I'm really sorry," John Paul said sadly, "I never wanted to…"

"I know."

Spike rose from the bed and placed his hand against the softness of John Paul's face before leaning forward and pressing a kiss against his mouth. There was nothing sexual about the kiss; it was just the kiss of a friend… a kiss goodbye.

"Be happy John Paul," Spike said as he turned to leave, "But I don't think you will be… not with Craig. He will hurt you in the end."

"You don't know him," John Paul said in defence of the man he loved.

"I know enough… I know his type," Spike replied, "He won't mean to, but he will let you down eventually. I just hope you're strong enough to cope when he does."

With that Spike left the room quickly so that John Paul wouldn't see the tears that had formed in his eyes and even now were escaping down his face.

John Paul took out his phone and quickly scrolled down to Craig's number. Spike's words had shaken him more than he admitted and he needed to see Craig and reassure himself that on this at least Spike was wrong.

John Paul was waiting at the front door when Craig arrived and quickly pulled his friend inside, holding him close for a moment.

"How did it go with Spike?" Craig asked as they parted.

"OK… better than I expected… it's just…" John Paul hesitated not wanting to voice the doubts that Spike's words had raised in him.

"Just what?"

"He… I don't know… he kind of implied that we wouldn't last…"

Craig smiled, "We'll just have to prove him wrong then."

John Paul returned Craig's smile already feeling better just by being in Craig's presence.

"How was Sarah?"

Craig's shoulders slumped as he shook his head.

"Not good. I don't know what I expected but she just seemed so… vicious. I guess I deserved it. I really hurt her."

John Paul snaked his arms around Craig waist and rested his head on the man's shoulder.

"The worst of it's over now," he said, "We can finally start to move on."

Craig returned the embrace holding tightly to the warm body in his arms. What ever else might happen he knew that this was where he belonged. There was nothing else in the world that made as much sense as being with John Paul, no matter what the consequences.

John Paul lifted his head from the comfortable pillow of Craig's shoulder.

"I could do with a drink."

"Me too… the Dog?"

John Paul nodded. "The Dog," he agreed as he slipped his arms into his jacket.

John Paul had the uneasy feeling that everyone was watching as he walked into The Dog with Craig but he dismissed it as silly paranoia after the day they'd had.

Craig strode to the bar and ordered two bottles of lager from Jake.

There was a silence as Jake stared at his younger brother without moving to serve him.

"Jake?" Craig chided, "Beer… today…"

"Tell me it's not true."

Craig frowned at Jake's question.

"What's not true?"

"What she's been telling everyone who'll listen." Jake nodded over to one side of the bar. Craig followed the direction of his gesture until his eyes landed on Sarah. Realising she had been seen Sarah lifted her wine glass as she mouthed the word "Cheers" to Craig.

Craig felt a knot in his stomach, his throat was dry but his hands were clammy.

"Jake… I…"

"Just say she's lying… that you're not…" Jake's eyes narrowed as he looked at John Paul, "with HIM."

John Paul held his breath as he waited for Craig's reply, he knew that this was a moment Craig had been dreading and thanks to Sarah it had been forced upon him before he was ready.

Craig turned his face to John Paul, a confused anguished look played across his features.

Instinctively John Paul slipped his hand into Craig's and held tightly on to his damp flesh, squeezing it as a sign of support.

"I can't," Craig whispered as he turned his gaze back to Jake, "I can't tell you that she's lying."

"No…" Jake shook his head as if trying to unhear Craig's reply.

"Does it matter that much," Craig asked sadly.

"Does it… of course it does… it changes everything," Jake regarded his younger sibling sadly, "I don't even know who you are."

"I'm still your brother."

"No," Jake said as he walked away, "My brother's not gay."

Craig looked at John Paul with pain filled eyes.

"It's just the shock," John Paul tried to sound convincing but he had seen Jake's reaction to his relationship with Spike and knew that the man's prejudices ran deep, probably even more so when it came to his own family. "He'll come around, just give him time."

Craig suddenly realised that half of the customers in the bar were watching them and he self-consciously let go of the support he was getting from John Paul's hand.

"I can't be doing with this," He said, "Let's go up to the flat."

Frankie was stood in the doorway leading up to the private living space above the pub and as her youngest son approached she made no effort to move and let him pass.

"He's not welcome," she said looking at John Paul, "I might have to put up with him in the bar, but I'm not having him in my home."

"Mum," Craig's voice was pleading, "Not you as well."

"You're my son Craig," she said stroking his hair affectionately, "and I love you… I always will no matter what. But I wont have you and HIM in my home… I can't… it's not right."

Craig sighed sadly every reaction he had feared was coming true. It felt as if he risked losing all the people he cared for just to be with the one he loved.

"I don't know what he's done to you," Frankie was continuing, "Why you would give up a beautiful girl like Sarah just so you can…"

"I love him mum," Craig said simply, "Why can't you accept that?"

"It's not right," She repeated, "And I won't be a part of it."

With that Frankie turned and walk back into the flat closing the door behind her.

"Let's just go," John Paul said as he began to lead a stunned Craig from the bar.

As they left neither of them saw Sarah emptying her wine glass with a flourish, a look of triumph on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

Craig lay silently with his head resting against John Paul's chest.

John Paul had held Craig as he wept, the pain at his family's reaction wounding him deeply and all John Paul could do was hold him. He wished he could do more… do anything to take his pain away.

The evening had passed into night and they continued to lie together quietly, neither of them speaking but just taking comfort in each other's presence.

John Paul ran his hand lightly over Craig's hair. He hadn't realised that things were going to be so difficult for Craig, his own family had reacted so differently and he just prayed that he was telling the truth when he had said they would come around.

Craig mumbled into the fabric of John Paul's tee shirt enjoying the sensation of his friend, his lover, stroking his hair.

He didn't understand how all of this had happened. How he was lying here in John Paul's arms or how it felt the most natural thing in the world to be doing.

Was it really only a few months ago that he had hurt John Paul for having these very same feelings? Craig felt a tightness in his chest as he remember how close he came to losing this amazing person forever and now it was as if John Paul was the only person he could rely on.

John Paul sank his fingers deeply into the softness of Craig's hair. John Paul had no idea how long they had been lying there or the lateness of the hour but he was content to stay where he was holding on to his love for as long as he could.

Craig's hand sneaked it's way under the edge of John Paul's tee shirt stroking at the warm body beneath, his fingers trailing lazy circles over John Paul's belly before drawing a slow path towards his chest.

"I do love you," Craig said quietly. A comment half spoken to John Paul and half as a comfort to himself that whatever happened he still had this love to cling to.

"I know," John Paul replied, "I love you too."

John Paul's hand continued to stroke at the softness of Craig's hair before sliding down the back of his head and coming to rest against his neck.

Craig turned his face to John Paul's smiling as he saw his own love reflected in the pools of John Paul's eyes.

"I wish I could make this better for you," John Paul said sadly.

"You do," Craig told him, "Just by being here."

Craig removed his hand from underneath John Paul's top to take a moment to caress his face, running his fingertips over the soft curve of John Paul's cheeks and over the tilt of his full lips.

"Being with you makes everything OK."

Their mouths met in a tender kiss as they held each other closely, they both knew that nothing that felt this perfect could ever be wrong.

John Paul's lips parted as Craig's tongue eased it's way inside the heat of his mouth, their kiss deepening as their passion grew.

Craig pulled himself to his knees as he dragged his top over his head throwing it to the side. An action quickly repeated by John Paul before pulling Craig back against him, the heat of their bare chests pressing together causing an overwhelming electricity between them.

"I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you," Craig said as he fought with the clasp of John Paul's belt, "I love you so much."

John Paul's response was incoherent as he felt the heat of Craig's mouth suddenly against his chest, kissing and licking at his flesh whilst pushing him back against the softness of the pillows.

"Craig…" The name escaped John Paul's lips in a gasp as Craig ran the tip of his tongue over one of John Paul's nipples whilst slipping his hand inside the now opened trousers and gripping the growing hardness that was there.

Sometimes Craig still couldn't believe that making love to another man would be something he would enjoy, something he would want. But then John Paul wasn't just any other man, he was the man that occupied Craig's every waking thought and expressing his love physically came as naturally to him as breathing. Loving John Paul made the rest of the world seem pale and unimportant and hearing his name spoken with such love and desire was the most beautiful sound Craig had ever heard.

John Paul whimpered quietly as Craig's tongue trailed teasingly over his chest and down towards his belly whilst his fingers continued to stroke the now fully aroused firmness of his cock.

Craig paused in his actions for a second to ease John Paul's trousers over his hips allowing his erection to spring fully to attention and attention is exactly what Craig was planning to give it.

John Paul swallowed, his fingers curling into the bedcovers as Craig's breath passed over the head of his cock, the tip of his tongue making contact with that sensitive flesh for the briefest of moments before moving away to run a tantalising trail up the inside of his thighs.

"Craig…" This time the name was more of a plea as John Paul ached at Craig's continued the teasing of his flesh.

It wasn't long before Craig relented as in truth he wanted this just as much as John Paul did, wanted to give this pleasure to the man he loved.

John Paul bit down on his lip to stop himself from crying out loudly as he felt Craig's tongue travel along the length of his cock before reaching its head. Craig's lips parted slowly and seductively allowing that engorged member entrance into the exquisite heat of his mouth.

John Paul sank his fingers once again into the softness of Craig's hair, holding back his desperate desire to push himself deeper into that sensuous mouth but at the same time enjoying the sensation of Craig's tongue swirling around his tip.

Craig could already feel John Paul's body begin to tremble under his touch causing an excitement to travel through his own flesh, an amazing satisfaction that he could cause such an intense reaction. Making love to Sarah had never felt this right, but he hadn't known what was missing until the first time he was with John Paul, and despite how badly he reacted that first time he had known he would be back for more.

Craig took John Paul a little deeper into his mouth, each movement against John Paul's cock causing him to moan a little more, each lick causing groans of pleasure and, as Craig began to suck gently on the length inside his mouth, John Paul's fingers curled into Craig's hair urging Craig on as the intensity of his desire flooded his whole body.

"Oh god Craig," John Paul's breaths were coming in short ragged gasps, he knew that if Craig carried on like this he wouldn't last much longer. His hips bucked as Craig continued to suck him deeply pushing his cock a little further into the welcoming passion of Craig's mouth.

Craig wrapped his fingers around the base of John Paul's cock moving his grip in time with his mouth, hand and lips clamped tightly around the pulsing flesh as John Paul was brought ever closer to release.

"Craig… yes… I…"

John Paul's head pushed back against the pillows as his back arched, his body vibrated as he felt the power of his climax building inside him until, as Craig held him even tighter, sucked against him even harder, his orgasm exploded from his body and poured into Craig's mouth.

Craig continued to suck at John Paul's cock, taking each drop of his desire, until at last John Paul's hands fell limply against the bed and his body relaxed back into the mattress completely spent.

"Craig that was…" John Paul shook his head in amazement. He had never know anything feel so good as being with Craig, making love to anyone had never felt so right and he knew that this is what true happiness felt like.

Craig pulled John Paul's trousers from the end of his legs where they had been pushed and quickly discarded his own before moving back to join his lover at the head of the bed.

Kissing Craig deeply John Paul could taste himself in the man's mouth as he pushed his tongue between Craig's lips.

He could feel the hardness of Craig's erection pressing against his side as they kissed and he lightly slid his hand over Craig's hip before allowing it to find the firmness of his cock and caressing it slowly.

Craig sighed into John Paul's mouth at the wonderful sensation as John Paul continued to stroke him, his grip tightening as he went.

"I want you so much," Craig murmured as his pushed himself up onto his hands looking down at the perfect features of John Paul's face.

John Paul slid his hand under the pillow he was resting against and, never taking his gaze away from the beauty of Craig's eyes, he quickly flipped the top off the bottle he has stashed there and poured some of the oily liquid into his hand.

He smiled at the gasps from Craig's mouth as he smoothed the warming liquid against his cock, spreading it over its entire length.

"I want you too," John Paul said as he poured a little more oil onto Craig's cock allowing some of the lubricant to drip over himself and trickle between his legs.

Craig needed no further encouragement and quickly moved himself between John Paul's thighs lowering himself down against the man to kiss him deeply as John Paul discarded the bottle he had been holding and wrapped his arms around Craig's neck.

With one hand Craig guided his cock into John Paul, pushing gently against him until he felt John Paul's body open up to him allowing his slippery erection to move slowly inside.

John Paul gasped as he felt his body being stretched by the presence of Craig's cock as it moved deeper and deeper inside him. A moments discomfort was quickly forgotten as ran his hands down the length of Craig's back and sank his fingers into his buttocks whilst raising himself up to push Craig further inside, marvelling at the sensation of this man inside him… of having Craig inside him.

Craig's mouth pressed hard against John Paul's as he began to move inside the heat of his body, thrusting himself deeply into that amazing passage that gripped him completely.

His tongue pushed into John Paul's mouth with a desire to possess every inch of his body as the movement of his hips grew faster with John Paul rising to meet each stoke.

Craig could already feel his orgasm building inside him making him want that sweet release as much as he wanted to stay inside John Paul forever.

John Paul's hands, still slick with oil, kneaded at Craig's cheeks sliding over the soft flesh as the speed of Craig's thrusts grew faster his breath shaking with desire.

John Paul's fingers slipped easily over the oily flesh of Craig's buttocks before sliding between pushing at the opening there causing Craig to cry out with pleasure as John Paul pushed his finger inside Craig's body.

The sudden penetration was more than Craig could take and, thrusting hard into John Paul a few more times, he gave in to the waves of the climax that washed over him pushing himself deeply into John Paul as he came with a force he had never experienced before.

After a moment Craig reluctantly allowed his body to fall to John Paul's side as the physical and emotional exhaustion began to catch up with him.

Kicking at the duvet for a moment John Paul managed to free it from the tangle of their legs and pulled the warm covering over their bodies.

Craig snuggled into the open invitation of John Paul's arms. Placing his head against that warm chest again he listened to the rapid beating of John Paul's heart.

John Paul closed the circle of his arms around Craig as he pressed a kiss against the top of his head a feeling of complete contentment washing over him.

"I love you Craig," he said quietly.

"I love you too," Craig mumbled as sleep began to pull at him.

John Paul closed his eyes and, with a smile, he allowed sleep to take him safe in the knowledge that Craig would still be in his arms when he awoke.


	5. Chapter 5

Craig smiled as he walked past through the centre of Hollyoaks village. The sun shone warmly on his skin but that wasn't the reason for his good mood.

His phone beeped an incoming message and his smile widened as he pulled the phone from his pocket and saw the name on the screen… John Paul.

Craig quickly pressed "read" to see what John Paul had to say.

"Morning sexy," the message began, "happy 3 week anniversary. xxx."

Craig chuckled at the comment. Had it really only been three weeks? It seemed like a lifetime but at the same time it seemed like the blink of an eye.

Of course their relationship had begun much sooner than three weeks ago but Craig knew that John Paul was only counting from the day they became "official". The day that Craig had stopped fighting his feelings and the very same day that Sarah had decided to "out" him to his family.

Three weeks ago. So much could change in such a short space of time.

Jake had finally stopped blanking him and, although he could tell that his brother was still uncomfortable with the situation, their relationship was slowly getting back on track.

Frankie, realising that her son was happier than he had ever been before had also relented and, with some awkwardness, had welcomed John Paul back into her home, with the unspoken agreement that Craig's bedroom was out of bounds. Craig hoped that one day his mother would be as comfortable with things as Myra had been. The first morning that Craig had appeared at her breakfast table had gained little more than a raised eyebrow from the head of the McQueen family before she asked him what he wanted to eat.

Steph, being the person she was, had never blinked an eye when she found out about Craig and John Paul, it wasn't about her so what did it really matter?

And Jack faced the news in with his usual manner by choosing to ignore it until people stopped trying to tell him.

Craig breathed deeply pulling the sweet morning air into his lungs; things really couldn't be any better.

"Missed you last night," he texted back, "See you later?"

Since the first night he had slept in John Paul's arms Craig had tried to spend as many evening there as he could, but he was conscious of not abusing the McQueen's hospitality and still made his way home most nights, tearing himself reluctantly away from John Paul.

"Me too," a text message came back, "Can't wait. Love you."

"Love you too." Craig slipped his phone back into his pocket with a contented smile.

As he lifted his head Sarah came into his view standing just a few feet from him, her eyes expressionless as he observed him.

Craig felt unable to move suddenly trapped in her gaze. Every inch of him wanted to run away as fast as he could but somehow he just stood waiting as she approached.

"Craig." There was no hint of emotion in her greeting and that made Craig even more nervous, her anger he would know how to react against but this was just confusing.

"Sarah… how are you?" Craig regretted the question instantly; it was such an inane thing to say, especially considering the circumstances.

"I'm OK actually," she replied with the hint of a smile playing on her lips. "Look… I wanted to say… what I did… it was out of order… I'm really sorry."

Craig couldn't believe what he was hearing her apology was the last thing he ever expected.

"No it's fine," he assured her, "I probably deserved it… I should never have done what I did… I'm just sorry I wasn't honest with you earlier… I should have treated you better."

"Yes you should," she agreed with a laugh. "But let's just forget it eh?"

"Really?"

"I need to move on, holding grudges does nobody any good."

Sarah held out her arms.

"Hug for a friend?"

Craig smiled; this really was an amazing day.

"Of course," he said stepping forward and squeezing her tightly.

The last thing he had ever wanted to do was hurt her and feeling her forgiveness in this embrace was more than he could have hoped for.

Without warning Sarah raised her face to his and pressed her mouth against his. He didn't even realise that he had responded until he felt her tongue slip between his parted lips.

Stepping back suddenly Craig shook his head.

"Sorry… that never should have…"

"Yes it should," Sarah replied moving towards him again, "You wanted it as much as I did."

"No… I'm with John Paul… I don't…"

"It's OK," Sarah whispered as she pulled him towards her and kissing him again.

Craig knew that he should push her away, that he should stop her, but he didn't.

Instead he found himself kissing her back just like he used to, the familiar feelings beginning to rise in him as her hands ran down his back, her body pressed tightly against his.

"Is there anyone in at yours?" Sarah asked.

Craig just shook his head. Everyone was out for the day; he had planned to invite John Paul round later.

"Come on then," she said taking his hand.

"John Paul," Craig said trying desperately to stop himself from making a terrible mistake.

"He doesn't need to know," she assured him, "It can be our little secret. Just once more… for old time's sake… I think you owe me that much."

Without know why he was doing it Craig allowed himself to be lead back towards the Dog.

Sarah simply smiled as she walked, she had known he wouldn't be able to resist but she had expected to have to try a little harder. She had forgotten just how weak Craig could be.

---

Craig seemed in a daze as he entered the living quarters above the pub leaving Sarah to push the door closed behind her.

She lead him with confidence to his bedroom, a place she knew only too well.

"Damn," she said suddenly.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm supposed to be meeting Hannah, can I borrow your phone to text her? My battery's dead."

"Err yeah sure," Craig replied handing his mobile to her.

"You couldn't get me a drink could you?" Sarah asked as she tapped out her message on the phones keypad.

Craig nodded and left the room to get her something from the fridge.

Sarah pressed send on the phone with a smile and waited for Craig to return.

"Here," he said as he came back into the room and handed her a bottle of lager.

Sarah took the bottle gladly and poured some of the cold liquid down her throat, never taking her eyes from Craig as he watched the neck of the bottle disappear between her lips.

Craig tore his eyes away from the sight before him and without realising it his gaze came to rest on the picture of John Paul he kept in his room.

"I don't think this is such a good idea," he said looking back at her.

But Sarah had no intentions of letting him off so lightly. Quickly slipping her top over her head Sarah approached him.

"Shh," she breathed against his skin, "It's OK… everything is OK… trust me."

Pulling him into a kiss Sarah felt his resolve begin to melt as the passion with which he returned her kiss quickly grew.

Dragging Craig's tee shirt off over his head Sarah lowered her mouth to his chest causing him to whimper with pleasure as she bit the flesh lightly.

Continuing to kiss his body Sarah let her hands trail downwards quickly releasing the fasten of his trousers, she smiled as the effect she was having on him became apparent.

"I guess I'm early."

Craig's head snapped around at the voice in the doorway, a feeling of sickness washing over him.

"John Paul…" Craig searched for words but his mind was an echoing blank, the pained look on John Paul's face cutting into him like a knife.

Sarah pulled her top back over her head with a smug grin and she watched with satisfaction as her ex-boyfriend awkwardly fastened his trousers.

"John Paul… it's not…"

"Please don't tell me it's not how it looks," John Paul's voice cracked as he spoke while unshed tears blurred his vision.

"I'm sorry… I don't know what…" Craig shook his head. He knew that nothing he could say would make this all right, how could he have been so weak, so stupid?

"I just don't understand," John Paul said sadly, "Why ask me to come round if SHE was here?"

Craig frowned, "I didn't…"

"I got your text… telling me everyone was out… that you'd leave the door on the latch for me…"

"Oops," Sarah said with a malicious laugh, "Guess I didn't text Hannah after all… and didn't I close the door properly? How careless of me!"

Both men stared in stunned silence at Sarah as she moved towards the door.

"But thank god you arrived when you did," Sarah said to John Paul, "I thought I might actually have to sleep with him for a second."

"YOU did this?" John Paul couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.

"I've done you a favour," she replied as she left the room, "You think he cares about you? He's only ever cared about himself. You have no idea how easy it was to get him here. You're better off without him, we both are."

"John Paul please… I…" Craig reached out pleading hands desperate for the man he loved to understand the stupid actions that he couldn't understand himself.

"Spike was right," John Paul said softly, "I didn't think he would be… but he was… you're not the person I thought you were."

"I am," Craig insisted, "I was stupid, I know that, I don't know what I was thinking… what we've got… I don't want to lose it."

"What we HAD," John Paul snapped back his face twisted in pain and rage, "You haven't lost it Craig… You've thrown it away."

"John Paul," Craig's voice was pitiful as he grabbed on to John Paul's arm.

"Get your hands off me," John Paul growled shaking Craig grip loose, "Just leave me alone."

John Paul turned and ran from the room as the tears began to tumble down his face, leaving Craig behind sinking to the floor as his own tears sprang from his eyes.

How quickly perfect joy could turn to perfect misery and Craig had no one to blame for it but himself.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been four weeks since John Paul had last seen Craig. Four weeks since he walked in on the man he loved, the man he trusted, in the arms of his ex.

After two weeks Craig had stopped calling.

After three weeks he stopped texting.

John Paul hadn't answered his calls and his texts had been deleted unread. There was nothing that Craig could say to make this better. There was nothing that anyone could say to make the pain go away.

It had been four weeks and the pain was just as sharp as it had been the second he first laid eyes on the scene in Craig's bedroom.

John Paul had returned home that day a broken man.

Myra never asked him what had happened; instead she held her son tightly into the small hours of the night as he wept in her arms. She held onto her only son feeling completely helpless as she listened to the sound of his heart breaking.

For four weeks John Paul had walked around numb, functioning on autopilot and trying not to think in case a memory of Craig would come to assault his mind.

Several times John Paul had dialled Spike's number only to hang up before it connected. He was the last person John Paul deserved any comfort from but he knew that Spike would have offered it anyway and John Paul had no right to accept.

Four weeks and three days after having his heart broken John Paul called Craig's mobile. He didn't know what made that moment the one that told him to make contact again but something deep inside told him that if he didn't call today it would be too late.

But Craig's phone didn't ring; instead John Paul heard a recorded voice telling him that his call could not be connected.

John Paul hung up with an annoyed sigh.

After a few minutes John Paul dialled the number of the flat above the Dog.

It rang several times before a female voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Is Craig there?" John Paul's voice shook as he said the name for the first time in weeks.

"Is that you John Paul?" Steph asked.

"Yeah… is he there?"

"No you've just missed him."

"Oh," John Paul couldn't help the feeling of disappointment; despite everything he had been looking forward to hearing Craig's voice again, "D'you know what time he'll be back?"

There was a pause and John Paul could hear Steph breathing on the other end of the phone.

Finally she spoke again.

"He's not coming back."

John Paul felt his legs give way beneath him and it was only the presence of his bed behind him that kept him from falling to the floor.

"What d'you mean not… where's he gone?"

"I'm sorry John Paul, I thought he was gonna let you know. He's going to Ireland."

John Paul shook his head; none of this was making any sense. Of course he knew that Craig had planned to move to Ireland if he got into Trinity, but not yet.

"It's too soon," John Paul said more to himself than to Steph.

"I know," Steph agreed, "But he wanted to go… and when he made up his mind there was no stopping him. He's found himself a place to stay and a part time job. He's all set for when he gets in at Trinity… IF he gets in."

"I'm too late then…" John Paul felt defeated.

"Well actually," Steph thought for a moment, "He's getting the train to Liverpool and it's not due for 20 minutes… he should still be at the station if you…"

John Paul hung up on Steph before she had even finished talking quickly dialling the number of a taxi before rushing outside to wait impatiently for it.

John Paul felt like he was waiting hours for the cab to arrive but in truth it was there in moments.

Jumping into the back seat John Paul breathlessly asked the driver to take him to Chester station.

"You look like it's a matter of life or death," the driver joked observing John Paul's face in his rear view mirror.

"It might just be," John Paul admitted.

"Girlfriend about to leave?"

"Something like that."

"Well I hope I get you there in time."

The streets of Chester went past in a blur as John Paul fidgeted nervously on the back seat nearly yelling for joy as he saw the entrance to the station come into view.

Stuffing money into the drivers hand John Paul leapt from the car.

"Good luck," the cabbie called after him.

John Paul scoured the departure board until he found the one for Liverpool, looking at his watch he calculated that he had just over 10 minutes before it was due to leave. He just hoped that would be long enough.

Racing to the platform the departure board had listed John Paul's eyes found a familiar figure standing waiting as the train pulled in before him.

Running as fast as he could manage John Paul called out Craig's name.

Craig stopped with one foot on the edge of the train's doorway. He could have sworn that he just heard John Paul's voice. He shook his head with a self-conscious laugh; it must have been nothing more than wishful thinking.

"CRAIG."

This time the voice was louder, closer and Craig was sure he hadn't just imagined it.

Turning around slowly Craig saw John Paul racing the length of the platform towards him.

"I thought I was gonna miss you," John Paul panted as he came to a stop in front of Craig.

"How did you…?" Craig couldn't quite believe that John Paul was really there.

"Steph… I called your place and she told me."

"You called?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

The two men stood staring at each other, there was so much they wanted to say but neither knew where to begin.

Looking at Craig again John Paul felt the familiar surge of love filling his chest, leaving no room for the hurt that had been living there for so long.

"I'm so sorry John Paul… I should never have…" Craig's soft brown eyes were filled with sorrow and regret.

"I know," John Paul told him, "I understand."

"I know you can't forgive me…"

John Paul shook his head. "I already have," he said surprising himself at the truth in his words.

"I thought that loving you was going to be the one thing I would be good at… but I managed to mess that up pretty quick."

"What we had… I wouldn't give it up for anything," John Paul told him with a half smile.

"You know I have to leave?"

"I know."

Craig ran his hand over John Paul's shoulder and down his arm feeling the solid flesh beneath his fingers.

"D'you think we ever really stood a chance?" he asked as he looked into the clear blue pools of John Paul's eyes.

John Paul shook his head, "Too much was against us from the start. I don't think either of us were ready for it"

"It's just… I don't want you to think… it's not because I don't love you."

"I'll never forget you Craig Dean."

"You'd better not," Craig joked allowing a smile to touch his lips.

John Paul took a deep breath he knew the train would be leaving soon and that Craig would be on it.

"We're you going to tell me? That you were going?"

Craig fished an envelope from his pocket and John Paul saw his name and address in Craig's familiar handwriting.

"I was gonna post this from Ireland, but you might as well take it now."

John Paul took the envelope and gripped it tightly.

Craig looked back at the train knowing it was time to board but desperate to have every last second with John Paul that he could manage.

"Go on," John Paul told him, "They won't wait for you."

Craig nodded sadly before throwing his bag through the opened doorway.

Before following his luggage on to the train Craig turned back for one last time and pulled John Paul into his arms.

"I love you," he whispered into John Paul's ear before kissing him one last time.

"I love you too," John Paul replied as Craig disappeared through the doorway.

John Paul stood on the platform as the train pulled away taking the man he loved out of his life.

After a moment he turned his attention to the letter still tightly grasped in his hand. Tearing at the envelope John Paul pulled out the sheet of paper and read Craig's final goodbye.

"Dear John Paul

I don't even know if you'll read this but I had to at least try. I'm leaving Chester. I will have left by the time you read this. I was always going to move to Ireland if I got into Trinity so I've just brought it forward a few months – in the hope that I will get in.

I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I did to you and I don't expect you to forgive me either.

I'll always love you John Paul and I'll keep the memory of you with me always.

I hope that one day you'll be able to think of me and smile and not just remember what I did to break us apart.

I won't try to contact you again, I think it's for the best. I've got a new phone and I'm not taking anyones number with me. I have to make a clean break I hope you understand.

Goodbye John Paul and thank you for loving me. I'm sorry I let you down.

Craig"

John Paul saw a drop of liquid land near Craig's name and it took him a moment to realise it was a tear.

He looked up to where the train had been but it was now far from view.

"Goodbye Craig," he whispered as he folded the letter back into the envelope and put it in his pocket.

With a sigh John Paul turned to make his slow journey back home.

It was time to carry on with the rest of his life… without Craig.


End file.
